Saturday, October 31, 2015

The Mystery of My Most Embarrassing and Shameful Halloween - 10 years ago.

Today, October 31st of 2015,  I went out to eat after studying for a test at a coffee house. Another seminarian and I went to a small restaurant and I told him I have a controversial shirt on today (I was wearing a black jacket). The shirt says, "Porn Kills Love" - see picture below. It only is the second time I've ever worn it in public since I purchased it on Memorial Day. As we sat at our table our waiter was dressed as a pirate and the other server was dressed up as Peter Pan (a symbol of youthfulness and joy). My brother seminarian and I began to pray day time prayer and then we heard a voice. We looked up and Peter Pan pointed at me and sternly said, "Sir, That is not true." The waiter and I looked at each other for what seemed to be 10 seconds and then he simply walked away.  Slowly, but truly more and more staff that were dressed up for Halloween walked by our table to sneak a peek at what I was wearing.




I wore the Porn Kills Love shirt without shame and without embarrassment. I say this because I just found myself in the chapel - contemplating my past Halloween Costumes - thinking about what I dressed up as in my freshmen year of college 10 years ago at 19 years of age. Even thinking about it recalls feelings of shame and embarrassment and resentment.

What I now love, I once persecuted and made fun of. 10 years ago you could've seen me in Madison on State Street, Langdon, and Mifflin walking around as a nun. Now, maybe you are thinking, "That's not too bad . . . nun's are holy . . . and you are studying to be a priest . . . so yeah, that's not too bad." Well I regretfully say that I was also dressed up with the appearance of being pregnant. Ughhh! I frustratingly write this to you. Some people laughed, but no one even questioned (well at least not to my face) the integrity or lack there of of my costume.  What I now love - Jesus and his brides, I once persecuted and made fun of. Oh how I feel the anguish and pain of my brother St. Paul for persecuting Christians. The Confessions of St. Augustine seem all too relatable to my now converted heart.

Little feelings of resistance were felt in even buying the costume because of living in mortal sin and not yet encountering the living God, Jesus Christ in the Eucharist. The sacrament of confession was simply non-existent. Praying the Rosary as a knight of the Blessed Virgin Mary had not been taught to me. The numbness and emptiness in lacking self-awareness in life was full to the brim. The darkness of sin shined brightly. The relationship with God was "cut off" for this prodigal freshmen through his own pride and hardened heart. The dark side had won a victory that night and the witness of a future priest was invisible - hidden in satan's victorious lie.

What lie? 

The lie that Halloween is a night where one can be a different person - any person - and commit any sin they choose. This lie had caught the attention of my weak and poor soul.  The lie that Halloween is a giant green light to sin, sin, and sin some more without any feeling or thought of regret. Presumably many sons and daughters of God will buy that lie this evening and probably will in the future . . . unless they too encounter the living God. Does that offend you? Sorry to say it, but there really is no other saving solution other than Jesus Christ that will change ones heart or open ones eyes.



What is most perplexing . . .sometimes . . . .is how nobody called me out - with love of course- to stop leading others into the darkness by selling a lie.

How come nobody ever told me about Jesus Christ and his deep abiding love OR lovingly challenged me to think and contemplate of how dressing up a pregnant nun might be perceived as offensive or even worse hypocritical? How come? How come? How come?

If you go out this Halloween and perceive a costume as offensive I encourage you to pray, pray, pray for the soul of that person . . . pray first always . . . and if the Holy Spirit leads you to speak with the person about the choice of costume - love that person - love them with the light of truth and humility of Christ. Please tell them in one way or another that there is another way.

The Way of Love.

The Way of Love can mysteriously change the heart of anyone - even a future priest - a current seminarian who wears a Porn Kills Love shirt . . .  The Way of Love can even move a person enough to walk daily into a chapel in front of the Blessed Sacrament and away from persecuting the brides of Christ by shamefully dressing up as a pregnant nun. Maybe you think that it is impossible on a night such as Halloween. Well I say it is possible - I am living proof of this mystery we call conversion! With Christ as my witness let it be known in one way or another, NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE FOR GOD!


Living in the Mystery,

Zach Weber