The Mystery of the Poor - Tears for Bread & Thanksgiving

Gratto
Our Lady of Lourdes, Pray for us!

Without a doubt the poor in Guatemala have pierced my heart and I have been drawing tears for bread from the experiences. When I first arrived hear in early June I had a deep sense of God wanting me to be here to teach me new things about sacrifice and serving. The adjustment to living in a climate that is 7000 feet above sea level while learning a new language has been a different experience of exhaustion. Around our third day here we walked down to the local Wal-Mart to pick up some odds and ends while getting to know the city a little. The Mall is very close by and as we walked I saw some people begging for money. The poor. It became really real. At the time, the Mother Teresa Quotes kept running through my head and heart: 
Love to be real, it must cost—it must hurt—it must empty us of self.....
When a poor person dies of hunger it has not happened because God did not take care of him or her. It has happened because neither you nor I wanted to give that person what he or she needed....
If you judge people then you don't have time to love them....
We need silence to be able touch souls...
Each one of them is Jesus in disguise....Hungry for love, He looks at you. Thirsty for kindness, He begs of you. Naked for loyalty, He hopes in you. Homeless for shelter in your heart, He asks of you. Will you be that one to Him? 
You can't feed just the body without feeding the soul. You must feed the body and the soul.
THE LIST GOES ON AND ON.

Fr. Quinn Mann

Then as I continued to pray about the poor in Guatemala and a quote from Fr. Quinn Mann, founder of Catholic Youth Expeditions (Brief Bio of Father Quinn Mann ) came into my heart of which I am very grateful for. This past December Fr. Quinn pulled me aside and said "Zach, every time I watch the movie Moneyball I think of you. In the movie the guys are trying too hard and the GM of the team tells the players, "You don't always have to go for the double play, let the game come to you." Zach, Let the game come to you. It's been on my heart to tell you this. Let the game come to you." So I began to pray with this quote in my heart to become more passive and let the game aka God's will come to me. It changed my experience of prayer forever.

If you have not read my last blog you may want to start there before reading any further. The Mystery of the Boy without Hands

One weekend here the seminarians were walking back from a day in Central Park and as we left Wal-Mart, we walked across the street via causeway. They do not have side walks like we do in the United States so they have structures that allow you to walk over the road in heavy traffic areas. As we walked over the street on this particular day we saw a girl who was possibly 10-13 years old passed out, very dirty, no shoes, and with very little clothing laying on the causeway alone. We all were struck.  We walked passed her and my heart was struck with tears for bread. I didn't know whether to tap her on the shoulder or what to do. I couldn't keep walking with the others. Enough is enough. "GIVE MY PEOPLE BREAD ZACH! STOP PASSING BY THE POOR!" (This is what I heard in my heart) I turned around and placed a granola bar by her hand and said a short prayer. A few of us decided to go to the local Orphanage the next day. This is where Lord started revealing himself to us in a new way. 

As I prayed that night, an experience of deep intimacy with the Lord and His Word kept echoing in my soul from the summer at IPF. The Story of The Good Samaritan  in the Gospel of Luke 10:29-37 was reminding me of what kind of Priest God is calling me to be and what kind of priest I am not called to be.  If God continues to guide me down this path I am called to be a priest that is Pure Patient Mercy. Being patient with others and with myself is one of my biggest struggles. Also, to be merciful with others and with myself is the other area of struggle. If God continues to conform my heart into the heart of one of his priests I am not called to be a priest who passes by the poor. I must stop and become pure patient mercy. These are the son's and daughter's of God. God willing if I become a priest, these will be my spiritual son's and daughter's. Genuine Father's sacrifice for their children.

At XelaPan

Patricia, Jon, and I

Experience 1

Fellow Seminarian Jon Thorsen and myself were on our way to meet up with the volunteers from Marmion Abbey & Academy that were visiting for the week. Jon and I had a staff member named Patricia visiting from Mundelein to check in and see how the experience of Guatemala was going. Our plan to meet up with Patricia and the Marmion Group was changed as we arrived about an hour earlier than we expected. Jon and I sat down to wait and a man approached Jon to sell him rugs. Jon said he didn't have any money for rugs, but the man persisted. Eventually Patricia found us and by this time Jon had 4 rugs on his lap. Then a poor man asked Jon and I for some money, but we said we only had money for bread.  I had some french fries from McDonalds that I gave the man, but he still persisted. Again, Mother Teresa was interceding for us as we brought the man over to a nearby baker called "XelaPan."  Patricia and Jon went inside to buy the man some bread and I waited outside. As they came out I asked the man if we could pray for him. What a blessed experience. We prayed an Our Father and asked the Blessed Mother to watch over this man. We did our best to feed his body as well as his soul. We only had money for bread is what we say now when people ask us about this experience.

Jon and the Man with Rugs

Experience Two:

Some of the seminarians visited the Orphanage and I was struck at how rich the poor are and how poor I am. In the United States, we seem to think that being poor means not having any money. That is a lie because these son's and daughter's of God had nothing, yet they were rich in joy. Most of them were unable to talk and some were unable to see, yet they were happy. (Being poor stretches across many different criteria.)  I was blessed for the past two weekends to visit the orphanage.  I was able to detach from one of my vices that I struggle with and that is vice is Vanity. Essentially vanity is worrying about what others think when you make a decision rather than being concerned only with God.  I was able to hold hands with blind children, play catch with plastic balls with very deformed people, and to roll around on a dirty floor with a little girl who has Down Syndrome. The ages range from babies to people in their 40's. We were able to push some of the children around in their wheel chairs. We were able to feed the children. I even had the opportunity to hold a little boy who was probably about one year old and felt his wet pants against my arm. Yes that means that he wetted himself. However, he snuggled right up against my shoulder and was so happy to be held. (What a great image to bring to prayer. Try it! It's exactly what God wants to do with us. He doesn't care if we are full of sin, he just wants to hold us.)  Most of these children were abandoned because they are not beautiful in the World's Eyes. However, they are beautiful to God. The last experience that the Lord revealed to me in the visit yesterday was pushing a young boy around the courtyard and allowing some of the SUN or should I say SON shine on him. So when it was possible I allowed the sun to shine on him, yet at the same time I was able to allow the Son to shine on me as I pushed God's son. THE MYSTERY! What joy it brings to the heart that thirsts for authentic love.

Picture of the Hermanalita (Hermanalita = Little Sister)

The Third and Final Experience:

On Friday a few of us stopped by XelaPan. It was Brian's (one of the seminarians) last day here, so we all decided to join him on his trip to XelaPan.  While there I encountered a girl who could not have been more than 15 years old and she asked me for some money for milk for her baby. She was so innocent and shy as she held her child. She reminded me so much of Mary. Poor, innocent, and was not afraid to ask for help. My gut told me to give her some money. I needed to buy some bread first so I could break down a large bill. After I purchased some bread I gave her some money and said a prayer in the depth of my heart. What would you do? The poor need our help. I was struck by her humility. She was patient, she was polite, and she had a baby. I believe that the Lord has blessed me with situations like these to help conform my heart unto a servants heart. Why? Because that is the life of Christ. In the Gospel of Matthew Chapter 20:28 Jesus says, "The Son of Man did not come to be served but to serve and to give his life as a ransom for many.”

In the Gospel of Matthew Chapter 25 Jesus says, "And the king will say to them in reply, Amen, I say to you, whatever you did for one of these least brothers of mine, you did for me." Why do we serve the poor? We serve the poor because Christ is the poor. If your heart is not moved by those with less than you then it might be time to get on your knees and repent. Blessed Mother Teresa lived the Five Finger Gospel. She would say, that you do unto the least of mine (and as she pointed to her fingers she would say) 1.You 2. Do 3. It. 4. To 5. Me.  


Now, whenever I travel into the city I always bring food with me. Money is not the solution. I give what I have and try to pray with the people if they are willing. If not, I stop and say a prayer for them. If I am unable to give some food I make the sign of the cross as I pass by them. Have I shed tears over my experiences with the poor? YES! The Lord has turned my tears into bread for the poor. These are Son's and Daughters of Christ. They have pierced my heart. I wish I could tell more stories of the people I've encountered, but I'll save those for the next time I see you in person.

Thanksgiving

 I would like to thank the Diocese of Green Bay for sending me here. I would like to thank Fr. Quinn Mann for his advice. I would like to thank Amador Vargas for giving me the book "The Way of a Pilgrim" because he rarely ever traveled without bread. I would like to thank Fr. Anthony, OSB from St. Meinrad for reminding me to lower myself to the level of God's people. (For those of you who do not know I am six feet four inches tall) Fr. Anthony said, "Match your eyes and heart with those you serve whenever you can." I'd also like to thank my 9th grade teacher Mr. Wyrembek who said, "There are two types of people in this world. People that live for themselves and people that live for others." Lastly, thank you to all of you who pray for me. Wow. Through your prayers the Lord is changing my heart in ways I could've never imagined. It's all grace. ALL IS GRACE. Thank you for changing my tears into tears for bread for the poor. The tears of the poor are the tears that ask for this bread.

God Bless You!

Zach

Feeding two girls with Down Syndrome

For More Photos ://www.guatesol.ch/fotos-hogar_es.html

The Mystery of the Boy without Hands

Yesterday the seminarians studying here at San Jose Language Academy and some high school volunteers from Marmion Abbey visited Santiago, Guatemala. We had to drive about an hour or so and then we took boats across the lake to arrive at Santiago. We visited the room where Fr. Stanley Rother was shot and killed. (Visit http://fatherstanleyrotherguild.org/ for more info) We also visited the place where his heart and blood are kept. It was a very powerful experience to pray for all of you. 

You might be asking yourself, wow that's really interesting, but the title of this blog is "The Mystery of the Boy without Hands." Did Fr. Stanley not have any hands? Fr. Stanley did have hands and in order to become an ordained minister in the Catholic Church you must have hands. That's where the story gets interesting.

As we traveled across the lake back to San Pedro we went to get some food for lunch. We stopped at a place where we could all fit and then started to order. Miguel, a seminarian from Richmond Diocese noticed a boy begging quietly for food as we began to order. Miguel asked our leader to ask the owner of the restaurant if we could buy him some food. The owner said that would be fine. Miguel is about as tall as I am so he kneeled down to this little boy and asked him if he would like some food. Miguel ordered him some food and the only place open at the table was next to me. 

I slowly asked the boy in spanish what his name was. He said he is name was Oscar. I found out that he was 10 years old,  his birthday is on the 21st of July, he goes to school in a town very close to where we were, he loves soccer, he has 7 siblings, and he was in horrible car crash when he was 5 that caused him to lose his hands. I kept encouraging him the best I could and his smile became bigger and bigger. Eventually, his food came and I had to open his water bottle for him and cut up his food. It was so interesting to see him open up. The Lord was very very present at this moment. Miguel and I were so blessed to  encounter this little boy. It was interesting "giving knucks" or "pounding fists" with this boy without hands. He had nubs about half way up his forearms. He was able to use a fork, hold his glass, and pick up french fries. I would refill his water as he continued to drink. H As we left Miguel paid for a few more meals for the boy for the next weekend because his home is a few towns over.

As our group finished eating and paying for our food I told him I would pray for him and I asked him to pray for me. He was so grateful. We had about a half mile walk to return to our bus to get back to Quetzaltenango and as we walked we would see Oscar periodically and I would give him knucks. He was so happy and joyful. Then as we waited for our tour bus to take us back home I saw him in a "chicken bus" (a school bus full of people) and he was waving to me without a hand, but with a HUGE SMILE. 

Then it struck me that he would never be able to become a priest. I looked at my own hands and I gave thanks to God for all of the priests in the world and for the vocation that I believe God is calling me to. God is so Good and this little boy named Oscar did not complain. I believe everything is providence, even when it's hard to accept. Oscar came into our lives and we were able to live the Gospel in a simple loving way.  He was so joyful to have food, to have some people love him, and treat him as a friend. 



Lastly, recently we celebrated the feast of St. Thomas the Apostle. The Gospel was about Thomas doubting the resurrection of Jesus. 

In the Gospel of John 20 verse 26-28 Thomas says, 
“Unless I see the mark of the nails in his hands
and put my finger into the nailmarks
and put my hand into his side, I will not believe.”
Now a week later his disciples were again inside
and Thomas was with them.
Jesus came, although the doors were locked,
and stood in their midst and said, “Peace be with you.”
Then he said to Thomas, “Put your finger here and see my hands,
and bring your hand and put it into my side,
and do not be unbelieving, but believe.”

How would someone like Oscar read this? How would he react to Christ saying put your finger here and your hand in my side when Oscar does  not  have fingers or hands. The depth of praying with the Gospels every day is very important. The depth of allowing Jesus to show you the Gospels is very life changing. 

During this experience I also thought about one of my favorite music artists Luke Spehar. He is one of the most talented musicians I know and he has a song called "my hands." I prayed for Luke and his gift of music.  If you have time I encourage you to listen to this song and support Luke.  https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/be-still/id415533741

I humbly ask that you pray for Oscar and then look at your hands and say thank you Lord for your own hands. God allowed a tragic situation to change my heart, Miguel's heart, and hopefully Oscar's. I truly believe Fr. Stan was interceding for us all as this life changing experience unfolded.  It seemed that Fr. Stanley wanted us to start serving the poor without holding back. 

Serve those without hands with your hands,

Hold their heart in your hands,

Let them hold your hands in their hearts.

God Bless You and Your hands,

Zach

The Mystery of Parents without Parents

Over the past four years I've lost both grandmother's. Both of my grandfather's passed away before I was born. At times, I forget that I'm not the only one who is effected by this. The trap of narcissism has taken its toll on too many souls.  Often children forget about how parents view life because we lack empathy and spend too much time in our comfort zones. We do not even try to wonder what it's like to raise a child and then see him or her grow in a world that is changing all too quickly. I can admit of being guilty of this myself and this is one of the reasons as to why I am writing this blog post. For those of you who do not know me, one thing I like to do in order get my thoughts out there is to write poetry. That is how I will write today. This was inspired by a priest who gave a homily at a daily Mass and he was talking about having lost family members. My Mom was sitting right next to me and all I could do was put my arm around her and wonder "I don't know what it's like to not have my parents around." I will be writing from the standpoint of a son who has two living parents and applying my thoughts about my own parents who no longer have living parents.

"I don't know what it's like"

I don't know what it's like to no longer have a mother and a father living,
to look around and no longer see, feel, or hear those two special people around who just kept giving and giving.

I don't know what it's like to no longer hug the one's taught you how to hug,
to no longer have a Mom or a Dad at your bedside when you are sick with a bug.

I don't know what it's like to no longer see the one's who helped raise you into who you are,
to no longer see the one who taught you to walk, run, ride a bike, and drive a car.

I don't know what it's like to have something happen and turn to my phone,
to dial the unforgettable number and remember that the number no longer has a home.

I don't know what it's like to look at a calendar and see a birth date and death date,
to no longer have a birthday song to sing, a letter to write, an e-mail to send, a call to make, or a picture to take.

I don't know what it's like to no longer have someone to throw the baseball to who taught you the game you still love,
to have memories that seem to be dead that you wish were alive,

I don't know what it's like to pray to a bodiless soul,
to somehow know that I need to pray about this reality to heal my soul but it feels like the my world has lost all control.

I don't know what it's like to delete an address, phone number, or email forever,
to be healed by Christ and to be healed by time in order to begin a new endeavor.

I don't know what it's like to see a gravestone with the name of your Mom and Dad,
to see reality, to see truth, to see for myself that we are all going to die, to not know what it feels like to be heartbroken, to be beyond sad.

I don't know what it's like to have days and days of sorrow,
to have my only prayer be "Lord, will the pain in my heart ever go away? I miss my Mom. I miss my Dad. I don't know if I can wait until tomorrow!"

I don't know what it's like to lose a parent in a tragedy or who died in peace,
to see those two names printed so clearly in black ink in the press release.

I don't know what it's like to ask for prayers from a Mom or a Dad when all I can do is hope they are with Jesus, To go to Church as often as possible just hoping that they still see us.

I don't know what it's like to turn to the Blessed Virgin Mary and call her my Mom . . . And know that she's My only Mom.
I don't know what it's like to remain in the arms of God the Father . . . and know that he's My only Father.

Please forgive me if you do know what it's like to no longer have your parents around,
Please share this if you would do anything to hear their voice - to hear that consoling sound.
Please open yourself to learning from each other and please extend your heart out to mine,
Please say a prayer for the soul of the one you love and is now outside of time.



Death is a mystery in itself. To be some how connected with our parents who are interceding for us in Heaven or in purgatory. Thankfully, we can be mysteriously united with our loved ones at every Mass with the communion of the Saints. It's a mystery! It's not always meant to be understood. Our hearts yearn to be united with those who have died and it is great news to know that Jesus invites us into a relationship with him that can lead to eternal happiness. If we truly want to be united with our loved ones we must ask God to open our eyes, ears, and hearts to the mystery of his life, death, resurrection, and ascension. Jesus does ask us to love him above all (see Luke 14:26). In the next couple of weeks at Mass we will hear about the ascension of Jesus and the descent of the Holy Spirit. This is the Good News. This is Jesus showing us that he has prepared a place for us. This is why we must trust when its easy and when its hard. This is why we must say "Jesus, I trust in You!" This is the Mystery of Life!

Life without mystery is boring.

Before I write anything I want to consecrate this blog to Mary. Mother Mary, please bless those who read this blog and guide them to your son Jesus Christ. Amen. 

The title of the blog is called "Mysterium Vitae" which is Latin for "The Mystery of Life."

It has been on my heart for the past few weeks to start a blog. Now that I've finished three years of seminary, one thing among many has become more and more apparent to me: People who do not live with a sense of mystery in life are bored, unhappy, and at times very negative. People who are not fully alive (St. Irenaeus) are not excited about waking up in the morning. Now do not get me wrong, there will be days when it is difficult to get out of bed, but there should eventually be some sense of wonder of what the day will bring. Without a sense of mystery or awe, life is boring or at times meaningless. When life is not full of mystery and wonder, we tend to fall into a negative, hopeless, and narcissistic dispositions. This can lead to an all too common quick-to-quit attitude along with a face that looks at electronics more than other human beings or nature. It also can lead to habits that will not satisfy the heart and will lead the soul into desolation/darkness. When I speak of mystery I do not mean fantasy because fantasy is focused only on the ego. I also do not mean being entertained because that again relates to pleasing the ego. What I do mean is that mystery is reality and being aware of God's providence. For example: Mystery is sacramental in its very nature because the Latin word sacramentum is translated in English into mystery. To use more modern language to be in the mystery of life is to
have one's "mind blown."

Thankfully, there is so much that is meant to be "unveiled" to us (cf. Exodus 34:29-35). If we freely allow the veil to be lifted just a little we will begin to see and participate in the mystery of life. However, we are all too often looking with a veil over our eyes and hearts, which blocks our ability to sense spiritual realities. The deepest reality is that the mystery of love, which is God (cf. 1 John 4:8) is more real than the chair you are sitting on. Unfortunately, without any sense mystery we block this reality from dwelling in our hearts. We remain in the darkness that the veil of little or no mystery casts over our eyes and hearts.  There are many reasons for this and that is what I hope to dive into with this blog while giving some practical ways to unveil our lives to the mystery that is always before us. I will share from personal experience, information from books, scripture, catechism, classes, videos, etc to engage the mind and heart to unveil to the mystery of life.

For now I encourage you to pray with Psalm 46: Be Still and Know that I am God. Repeat it over and over in your heart of hearts. Give yourself some time. Take deep breaths. Be Patient and Be Still. Pay attention to the movements of your heart and pay attention to what thoughts come to mind. Notice how in the picture the water is calm while reflecting more clearly sun/son and that is one of the many pieces to the the mystery of life. If our souls are still as the water is still we will reflect the mysteries of life. We must spend time in silence everyday. Silence will magnify what is distracting you from what God desires to reveal to you. Then bring that distraction to Church this Sunday in your heart and listen what God desires to reveal to you. You can do it! Do not let the evil one accuse you of any less.

Living in the Mystery,

Zach Weber