The Mystery of Thanksgiving: Going Cold Turkey On Complaining

Thanksgiving. . . Thanksgiving is coming and that means we will probably encounter at least a few reasons to complain about something or someone. Is it not an oxymoron to complain on Thanksgiving? Our culture seems to form us to point out the flaws in something or someone instead of pointing to what is good, true, and beautiful.  We seem to be culturally conditioned to complain.

An Oxymoron

Why do we complain so much?

Why do we more quickly complain than give thanks?

Why do we not thank God for everything?

Why do we only seem happy unless we complain? (ok that last one is a joke)

            These questions have been bothering at me for the past few years. They have been bothering me because a few years ago a wise young woman told me, “God can not form an ungrateful heart.” I was taken a back by her wisdom and how true this statement was. I found myself seeing very clearly and how rarely I thanked people or God for anything. Additionally, I began to notice how difficult it was to receive thanks and/or praise. I saw how quickly the culture of death had been teaching me to seek what is wrong, ugly, or bad rather than first seeking what is good, true, beautiful, and praiseworthy. This culture of death put up walls to any potential toward growing into a deeper relationship with God.

Often, we hit walls in the spiritual life and fall back into old habits that pull us further away from forming a deeper interior life.  What is lacking is taking the words above of “an ungrateful heart” to heart.  Reflect on these questions: 

• How often do you say thank you? 
• How often do you give praise and thanks to God? 
• Does it occur only when it seems relevant or convenient? 
• How do we begin to seek what is good, true, and beautiful first rather than the negative aspects of life or people?

A couple of suggestions or things to ponder in forming a grateful heart . . .

            One of the best spiritual practices is to practice a daily list of saying thank you and giving praise/honor/glory to God. Thank for all of the blessings in life – especially the things you take for granted. Yes, that even means something as simple as toilet paper. And if you want to go deeper – I would challenge you to say thank you for everything. Be not afraid! Yes, even the things that hurt or don’t seem to make any sense right now. Thank God for him taking care of it so you can remain in the present moment. Thank Him even the things that might stress you out. Why do I invite and challenge you to do this? Well first of all, “God can’t form an ungrateful heart.” Yep! You guessed it! This means that God CAN form a grateful heart. Also, it is an act of faith, trust, and humility in knowing that “where sin abounds, grace abounds all the more” (Romans 5:20). But do you believe that – in your heart of hearts?  Or is it merely lip service? We need more “heart service” than lip service. 

 Additionally, have you ever listened with your heart at every Holy Sacrifice of the Mass the priest says, “It is truly right and just, our duty and our salvation, always and everywhere to give you thanks . . .” (see Eucharistic Prayer II). SAY WHAT? Read that again. It is: right, just, our duty and salvation, always and every where . . . TO GIVE GOD THANKS? Well that is what our faith preaches and teaches. But do we practice what we believe? The wisdom of our faith is so deep and rich that only the faith of Jesus Christ can satisfy the deep longings of the mystery hidden within the human heart. However, to understand this truth . . .  a formed heart must be felt, known, etc through our experiences in our daily habits and practices in this mystery we call life. Try it! As it is said in the movie Christmas Story: I triple dog dare you!

            Going even deeper . . .

If you challenge yourself to begin "little by little" (poco a poco) to give thanks to God for everything, your life will begin to change dramatically. Why? The reason why your life will begin to change dramatically is that you will thank God for the things you used to complain about. You may even spiritual growing pains, which make you feel uncomfortable because God is stretching your heart, your mind, and your will. You will soon forget how to complain because the eyes of your heart will begin to see that everything is a gift from God. How? By allowing God to be God. God can and will bless anything from our past and make it beautiful and shine with light . . . if you give him permission.

For example, you will begin to notice the people that used to get on your nerves will be blessings instead of annoyances. You will see them as a gift from God. They will help you grow. You will begin to look inward and ask yourself, “What is it in me that is unable to love that person.” You will forget about your wants, needs, desires, etc and will be other focused. As Blessed Mother Theresa of Calcutta says, "Will I be bitter or better?" This will move your heart to pray more – to die to self more so he can live (Jn 3:30) and to ask for more graces from God to love as He loves. 

For when we only accept/love some and reject others we create barriers – we remove any sense of unity. Be not afraid! Jesus deeply desires unity. We need the Holy Spirit to help us gently bring down these barriers that blind us to truly see Jesus in others and be Jesus to others. You will begin to see, feel, and know everyone as a gift from God because that is truly what they are and SO ARE YOU :). Ponder this: Have you ever thanked God for the gift your life? We cannot give thanks for others if we are not grateful for our own life. Boredom can creep in too. 

In a variety of settings, when you are bored in a group of people and begin to have a more grateful heart, you will find yourself being more concerned about others than yourself. You will begin to think of ways how someone else may find something interesting rather than complaining of what you do not care about. You will begin to forget that you do not find something amusing or interesting due to the new disposition of your heart.  You will give thanks to God for the new self-awareness, other-awareness, and divine-awareness. Lastly, you will begin to see how fleeting material items are and you will begin to be more content with who you are, with what you have been given instead of complaining about what you do not have or being envious of what others have.

And going even deeper . . . Giving thanks like a saint.

            If you want to take it a step further I encourage you to commit to the wisdom of St. Therese of Lisieux. St. Therese often found it difficult to bear the burdens of someone she found annoying. Did you hear that? A saint who struggled with other people? It’s true! Our Little Flower found it very tempting to complain. However, she formed a habit through fervent prayer of giving praise and thanks to God. She would think of 10 reasons to give thanks and praise to God for the person instead of complaining about him/her. If she began to struggle with not being able to think of 10 reasons to give praise and thanks to God for a person, she would thank God for the suffering she was able to participate in. Then she would offer up her sufferings in supplications of prayer for the person who she was annoyed with or struggled to love. She learned to accept her littleness and began to rely on God’s grace more than her talent. What this saintly practice does is allow us to accept and love others as they are instead of trying to change them . . .  bring them to where we are in life and refusing to meet them where they are at in life. This mystery called God, who is Love (1 Jn 4:8) is what will change your heart and then the hearts of others.

St. Therese - The Little Flower

            So here is the challenge I’ve desired to give when I first started writing this blog today –

This Thanksgiving and Advent Season:

Do not complain about anything.

Yep. That's right! No complaining – notta  - zilch – zip - nothing.

Bit your tongue if you have to and give thanks to God instead. Or say thanks to God out loud for the suffering or challenging situation. Sometimes I say “Praise God!” when interiorly I’m struggling because of the hope we are asked to have that God can bless anything. Getting stressed and givign up can be a temptation of the evil in preventing a grace that Jesus so deeply desires to give us to more deeply console our poor little souls. When you fall (not fail) . . . repent (turn to God)– tell God you are sorry – Go to confession if you need to for extra grace. God will form your ungrateful and possibly hardened heart into a beautiful grateful heart. Firmly refuse to fall into the habit of complaining about everything. When others around you complain, thank God for that because you can offer up your annoyance in prayer for that persons conversion. Reject being culturally conditioned to complain and Accept the invitation from God to give thanks and praise always. This might not make sense right now, but that’s why it is called a mystery – it’s a part of faith that calls us daily to deeper conversion.

Have a life changing Thanksgiving and Advent Season!

Living in the Mystery,

Zach Weber