Tuesday, December 22, 2015

The Mystery of the Heavy Christmas Knot

Merry Christmas Friends and Family!



Christmas is right around the corner and up here in Wisconsin we are expecting record highs . . . in temperatures.  So far in this winter season we've had about 6.5 inches . . . of rain! It has been strange and mysterious in many ways, especially rising every morning to green grass on the ground. Apart from strangeness, I write to all of you in thanksgiving for your prayers as we anticipate the birth of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ in 2015. Also, I write to update you with a couple of events that will materialize soon. The Holy Spirit has been very good to me in 2015 and continues to consecrate this journey to the priesthood in ways that words cannot even begin to touch the depth of my gratitude to all who support, sacrifice, and pray for seminarians.

As many of you know, I'm discerning the call the priesthood, but before that ordination occurs I need to be ordained a Transitional Deacon. This will occur on May 22nd at 3PM of this upcoming spring. With that being stated, the weight of the whole situation is becoming more and more "incarnational." God became incarnate - became man to become like us in ever way, but sin. This idea still reigns supreme in the mystery of Christianity as major distinguishing difference from all other religions. God became man in all things apart from sin (see Hebrews 4:15).

As the date of May 22nd approaches, I find myself feeling the mysterious weight, the weight of what I'll be saying “no” to in order to more fully and radically say “yes” to Jesus and his bride the Church. I've had to tie the knot in my tie a few times already this break and every time I tie the knot it becomes more and more mysteriously heavy. The heaviness of the reality of ordination is setting in this last Christmas break before making promises of Celibacy, Obedience, and Prayer to the Bishop. This means that next Christmas I'll be wearing a collar for Christmas as a transitional deacon of Jesus Christ. Ordination is one way of saying no to tying the knot in marriage and the possibility being blessed with children. Ordination is a big deal, but the Lord strangely gave me a mission to love as a celibate man for the sake of his kingdom. Every time I tie the knot in my tie this Christmas season it will be a “last of many last’s” in one fashion or another.

While the weight of tying knots before ordination is becoming more "incarnational" there is a large amount of anticipation and excitement. In a week I'll be attending my Canonical Retreat for Diaconate Ordination where a priest and I will go over the “Rite of Ordination to the Order of Deacon” for 5 days. Please pray for Fr. John Luke of the Community of St. John from December 29th until January 4th. Pray that, through the intercession “Our Lady Undoer of Knots” I receive the graces necessary to die to self so the Lord may more fully live through me, in me, and with me as he desires.

After the retreat I'll be in the area for a few more days. Then on January 15th the 3rd Theology Class of Mundelein Seminary will fly to the Holy Land for 10 weeks.      We will be on pilgrimage to all the major holy sites in Bethlehem, Galilee, Jerusalem, and more! This will be a time of intense and intimate discernment. I will offer up many prayers in thanksgiving for all of you as my feet, knees, heart, and lips touch the very soil that Jesus and his disciples walked on.

My heart is very grateful for the sacrifices that make this pilgrimage possible. This will be a life changing pilgrimage and I hope to come back with many stories about the Holy Land Pilgrimage of 2016. You will be able to follow all of the Mundelein Seminarians on a blog if you wish. That blog site is being constructed as we speak and I will be one of the bloggers. Google searching for "2016 Mundelein Pilgrimage" should lead you to us.

The Third Theology Class is planned to arrive back at Mundelein on March 15th. We will all celebrate Holy Week the following week in our prospective dioceses with a deeper and more intimate awareness of the Paschal Mystery (Paschal Mystery = Jesus' Life, Death, Resurrection, and Ascension). Then we will all tie the heavy knots of Holy Week and Easter in our ties for the last time before being ordained to the Order of Deacon(s) for Jesus, for the Church, for Mary, for the saints, and for each and every one of you.

May God Bless All of Your Endeavors This Christmas and New Year!

Living in the Mystery,


Zach Weber

Wednesday, November 18, 2015

Monday, November 16, 2015

The Mystery of Thanksgiving: Going Cold Turkey On Complaining

Thanksgiving. . . Thanksgiving is coming and that means we will probably encounter at least a few reasons to complain about something or someone. Is it not an oxymoron to complain on Thanksgiving? Our culture seems to form us to point out the flaws in something or someone instead of pointing to what is good, true, and beautiful.  We seem to be culturally conditioned to complain.

An Oxymoron


Why do we complain so much?

Why do we more quickly complain than give thanks?

Why do we not thank God for everything?

Why do we only seem happy unless we complain? (ok that last one is a joke)

            These questions have been bothering at me for the past few years. They have been bothering me because a few years ago a wise young woman told me, “God can not form an ungrateful heart.” I was taken a back by her wisdom and how true this statement was. I found myself seeing very clearly and how rarely I thanked people or God for anything. Additionally, I began to notice how difficult it was to receive thanks and/or praise. I saw how quickly the culture of death had been teaching me to seek what is wrong, ugly, or bad rather than first seeking what is good, true, beautiful, and praiseworthy. This culture of death put up walls to any potential toward growing into a deeper relationship with God.

Often, we hit walls in the spiritual life and fall back into old habits that pull us further away from forming a deeper interior life.  What is lacking is taking the words above of “an ungrateful heart” to heart.  Reflect on these questions: 
  • How often do you say thank you? 
  • How often do you give praise and thanks to God? 
  • Does it occur only when it seems relevant or convenient? 
  • How do we begin to seek what is good, true, and beautiful first rather than the negative aspects of life or people?


A couple of suggestions or things to ponder in forming a grateful heart . . .

            One of the best spiritual practices is to practice a daily list of saying thank you and giving praise/honor/glory to God. Thank for all of the blessings in life – especially the things you take for granted. Yes, that even means something as simple as toilet paper. And if you want to go deeper – I would challenge you to say thank you for everything. Be not afraid! Yes, even the things that hurt or don’t seem to make any sense right now. Thank God for him taking care of it so you can remain in the present moment. Thank Him even the things that might stress you out. Why do I invite and challenge you to do this? Well first of all, “God can’t form an ungrateful heart.” Yep! You guessed it! This means that God CAN form a grateful heart. Also, it is an act of faith, trust, and humility in knowing that “where sin abounds, grace abounds all the more” (Romans 5:20). But do you believe that – in your heart of hearts?  Or is it merely lip service? We need more “heart service” than lip service. 
 Additionally, have you ever listened with your heart at every Holy Sacrifice of the Mass the priest says, “It is truly right and just, our duty and our salvation, always and everywhere to give you thanks . . .” (see Eucharistic Prayer II). SAY WHAT? Read that again. It is: right, just, our duty and salvation, always and every where . . . TO GIVE GOD THANKS? Well that is what our faith preaches and teaches. But do we practice what we believe? The wisdom of our faith is so deep and rich that only the faith of Jesus Christ can satisfy the deep longings of the mystery hidden within the human heart. However, to understand this truth . . .  a formed heart must be felt, known, etc through our experiences in our daily habits and practices in this mystery we call life. Try it! As it is said in the movie Christmas Story: I triple dog dare you!



            Going even deeper . . .

If you challenge yourself to begin "little by little" (poco a poco) to give thanks to God for everything, your life will begin to change dramatically. Why? The reason why your life will begin to change dramatically is that you will thank God for the things you used to complain about. You may even spiritual growing pains, which make you feel uncomfortable because God is stretching your heart, your mind, and your will. You will soon forget how to complain because the eyes of your heart will begin to see that everything is a gift from God. How? By allowing God to be God. God can and will bless anything from our past and make it beautiful and shine with light . . . if you give him permission.
For example, you will begin to notice the people that used to get on your nerves will be blessings instead of annoyances. You will see them as a gift from God. They will help you grow. You will begin to look inward and ask yourself, “What is it in me that is unable to love that person.” You will forget about your wants, needs, desires, etc and will be other focused. As Blessed Mother Theresa of Calcutta says, "Will I be bitter or better?" This will move your heart to pray more – to die to self more so he can live (Jn 3:30) and to ask for more graces from God to love as He loves. 
For when we only accept/love some and reject others we create barriers – we remove any sense of unity. Be not afraid! Jesus deeply desires unity. We need the Holy Spirit to help us gently bring down these barriers that blind us to truly see Jesus in others and be Jesus to others. You will begin to see, feel, and know everyone as a gift from God because that is truly what they are and SO ARE YOU :). Ponder this: Have you ever thanked God for the gift your life? We cannot give thanks for others if we are not grateful for our own life. Boredom can creep in too. 
In a variety of settings, when you are bored in a group of people and begin to have a more grateful heart, you will find yourself being more concerned about others than yourself. You will begin to think of ways how someone else may find something interesting rather than complaining of what you do not care about. You will begin to forget that you do not find something amusing or interesting due to the new disposition of your heart.  You will give thanks to God for the new self-awareness, other-awareness, and divine-awareness. Lastly, you will begin to see how fleeting material items are and you will begin to be more content with who you are, with what you have been given instead of complaining about what you do not have or being envious of what others have.

And going even deeper . . . Giving thanks like a saint.

            If you want to take it a step further I encourage you to commit to the wisdom of St. Therese of Lisieux. St. Therese often found it difficult to bear the burdens of someone she found annoying. Did you hear that? A saint who struggled with other people? It’s true! Our Little Flower found it very tempting to complain. However, she formed a habit through fervent prayer of giving praise and thanks to God. She would think of 10 reasons to give thanks and praise to God for the person instead of complaining about him/her. If she began to struggle with not being able to think of 10 reasons to give praise and thanks to God for a person, she would thank God for the suffering she was able to participate in. Then she would offer up her sufferings in supplications of prayer for the person who she was annoyed with or struggled to love. She learned to accept her littleness and began to rely on God’s grace more than her talent. What this saintly practice does is allow us to accept and love others as they are instead of trying to change them . . .  bring them to where we are in life and refusing to meet them where they are at in life. This mystery called God, who is Love (1 Jn 4:8) is what will change your heart and then the hearts of others.

St. Therese - The Little Flower



            So here is the challenge I’ve desired to give when I first started writing this blog today –

This Thanksgiving and Advent Season:
Do not complain about anything.

Yep. That's right! No complaining – notta  - zilch – zip - nothing.
Bit your tongue if you have to and give thanks to God instead. Or say thanks to God out loud for the suffering or challenging situation. Sometimes I say “Praise God!” when interiorly I’m struggling because of the hope we are asked to have that God can bless anything. Getting stressed and givign up can be a temptation of the evil in preventing a grace that Jesus so deeply desires to give us to more deeply console our poor little souls. When you fall (not fail) . . . repent (turn to God)– tell God you are sorry – Go to confession if you need to for extra grace. God will form your ungrateful and possibly hardened heart into a beautiful grateful heart. Firmly refuse to fall into the habit of complaining about everything. When others around you complain, thank God for that because you can offer up your annoyance in prayer for that persons conversion. Reject being culturally conditioned to complain and Accept the invitation from God to give thanks and praise always. This might not make sense right now, but that’s why it is called a mystery – it’s a part of faith that calls us daily to deeper conversion.

Have a life changing Thanksgiving and Advent Season!

Living in the Mystery,

Zach Weber


Saturday, October 31, 2015

The Mystery of My Most Embarrassing and Shameful Halloween - 10 years ago.

Today, October 31st of 2015,  I went out to eat after studying for a test at a coffee house. Another seminarian and I went to a small restaurant and I told him I have a controversial shirt on today (I was wearing a black jacket). The shirt says, "Porn Kills Love" - see picture below. It only is the second time I've ever worn it in public since I purchased it on Memorial Day. As we sat at our table our waiter was dressed as a pirate and the other server was dressed up as Peter Pan (a symbol of youthfulness and joy). My brother seminarian and I began to pray day time prayer and then we heard a voice. We looked up and Peter Pan pointed at me and sternly said, "Sir, That is not true." The waiter and I looked at each other for what seemed to be 10 seconds and then he simply walked away.  Slowly, but truly more and more staff that were dressed up for Halloween walked by our table to sneak a peek at what I was wearing.




I wore the Porn Kills Love shirt without shame and without embarrassment. I say this because I just found myself in the chapel - contemplating my past Halloween Costumes - thinking about what I dressed up as in my freshmen year of college 10 years ago at 19 years of age. Even thinking about it recalls feelings of shame and embarrassment and resentment.

What I now love, I once persecuted and made fun of. 10 years ago you could've seen me in Madison on State Street, Langdon, and Mifflin walking around as a nun. Now, maybe you are thinking, "That's not too bad . . . nun's are holy . . . and you are studying to be a priest . . . so yeah, that's not too bad." Well I regretfully say that I was also dressed up with the appearance of being pregnant. Ughhh! I frustratingly write this to you. Some people laughed, but no one even questioned (well at least not to my face) the integrity or lack there of of my costume.  What I now love - Jesus and his brides, I once persecuted and made fun of. Oh how I feel the anguish and pain of my brother St. Paul for persecuting Christians. The Confessions of St. Augustine seem all too relatable to my now converted heart.

Little feelings of resistance were felt in even buying the costume because of living in mortal sin and not yet encountering the living God, Jesus Christ in the Eucharist. The sacrament of confession was simply non-existent. Praying the Rosary as a knight of the Blessed Virgin Mary had not been taught to me. The numbness and emptiness in lacking self-awareness in life was full to the brim. The darkness of sin shined brightly. The relationship with God was "cut off" for this prodigal freshmen through his own pride and hardened heart. The dark side had won a victory that night and the witness of a future priest was invisible - hidden in satan's victorious lie.

What lie? 

The lie that Halloween is a night where one can be a different person - any person - and commit any sin they choose. This lie had caught the attention of my weak and poor soul.  The lie that Halloween is a giant green light to sin, sin, and sin some more without any feeling or thought of regret. Presumably many sons and daughters of God will buy that lie this evening and probably will in the future . . . unless they too encounter the living God. Does that offend you? Sorry to say it, but there really is no other saving solution other than Jesus Christ that will change ones heart or open ones eyes.



What is most perplexing . . .sometimes . . . .is how nobody called me out - with love of course- to stop leading others into the darkness by selling a lie.

How come nobody ever told me about Jesus Christ and his deep abiding love OR lovingly challenged me to think and contemplate of how dressing up a pregnant nun might be perceived as offensive or even worse hypocritical? How come? How come? How come?

If you go out this Halloween and perceive a costume as offensive I encourage you to pray, pray, pray for the soul of that person . . . pray first always . . . and if the Holy Spirit leads you to speak with the person about the choice of costume - love that person - love them with the light of truth and humility of Christ. Please tell them in one way or another that there is another way.

The Way of Love.

The Way of Love can mysteriously change the heart of anyone - even a future priest - a current seminarian who wears a Porn Kills Love shirt . . .  The Way of Love can even move a person enough to walk daily into a chapel in front of the Blessed Sacrament and away from persecuting the brides of Christ by shamefully dressing up as a pregnant nun. Maybe you think that it is impossible on a night such as Halloween. Well I say it is possible - I am living proof of this mystery we call conversion! With Christ as my witness let it be known in one way or another, NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE FOR GOD!


Living in the Mystery,

Zach Weber